Despite my plucky demeanor I do not seek out conflict or confrontations. They do find me though. Sometimes I do the calculation and decide it’s safe enough for me to give it.
Friday April 18 was a stat holiday in Canada. My beloved and I decided to pop in to one of our favourite breakfast spots and then go vote. Advance polls were open for our federal election and we didn’t want to miss out on participating.
We had a wonderful meal. As we were finishing up, a table of four were seated next to us. Michel made a face as they walked to their table. My back was to the group.
He spoke to me in French “We need to leave, I’ll explain outside.”
Despite being in a multi-lingual community we often use French when we need to speak “in code”.
I flagged our server to ask for the bill. Then I saw what was written on the shirts and hoodies of the table next to us.
“Keep women’s sports female.”
“There are only two genders.”
“Say no to males competing as females.”
My jaw dropped. I gave them the stink eye. As our server brought the point of sale I told my partner in code “I’m going to say something as we leave.”
He made big eyes. I knew he worried he would loose his temper. I wasn’t sure I could do better but the hot feeling in my belly prompted me to take action.
My quick calculation was that we were leaving, I would be standing and able to easily get away.
I chose to leverage my cis-gendered, white, middle class privilege.
I switched to English as I stood to leave and faced their table.
“I’m shocked that you would proudly wear hateful things on your clothes in public. My kid is trans. She is excluded from so many things. Why would you think that calling for exclusion of anyone is ok?”
One person asked if I loved women. I wish I had the wherewithal to say something quippy like “So much so I’ve gone down on them.” but I merely said “yes”.
They then started spewing rhetoric about protecting women.
“I do not feel protected by what you are doing. You are being awful. You ruined our time here today with your slogans. I hope you have a terrible day.”
Then we left.
Why did I bother saying anything? These folks were not looking for a debate. They were looking for people to loudly agree or silently implying endorsement.
I refused to allow them to think I agreed with them. I wanted them to take their awful hatred and hide it.
This “movement” is thanks to the American president issuing an order about excluding trans and gender nonconforming people from participating in sport in February.
The American Civil Liberties Union has a lovely article from 2020 on the myths about trans athletes and how those are used to incite hatred.
Four Myths about Trans Athletes.
Cate also wrote about Why the conversation about trans people in sports isn’t about trans people in sports.
This is not about women’s sports but we do need to talk about inclusion in our sports settings.
Sport gives us so much and culturally we are regressing with respect to inclusion. And I’m not having it.
I share this experience with you so that you can think about when you want to confront people. Or take other actions. Any one of us can’t do everything but we can each do something. We need to be brave. We need to speak up. We also need to be safe. I trust you to figure out what works for you.
I’m still thinking of better things I could have said.
