When I look at my face I see subtle changes. When I look at photos from, even, a year ago, I see changes. Changes happen so fast once you reach 50 (I’m 51).
Even though I have decided not to try to “fix” signs of aging, once in a while, I wonder what potion or lotion might bring back that 38, 48, even, 50 year old glow or sharpness.
But what am I hanging on to?
Not wisdom, because that continues to increase with each day.
Not happiness, because, in many ways, I’ve never been happier.
Not relationships, because, of course, those have nothing to do with how many lines I have in my face.
Not beauty. In truth, I was never “beautiful” in the way people grieve when they feel they’ve lost it.
Not strength, because I am still strong. I still see women who are strong, 20 or 30 years older than me.
I do have the fleeting wish that I could have today’s wisdom when I was 20 or 30, but we all know that’s a wasted game.
I can be grateful for each day, knowing the privilege in reaching each new year.
I can be open to learning and trying new things, even though, I am quite happy to have a steady, earlier bedtime.
I have privilege to even to be worrying about aging, something people who live in regions full of war and strife, and who may be facing illness, do not have the time to worry about.
So what am I? We? Hanging on to. Is it the media, society, is it innate, to want to keep certain aspects of our face?
I am deciding to be happy to be aging. I am deciding to lean into it. Sheryl Sandberg be damned. I’m not leaning into a losing corporate battle. I’m leaning into being happy with each change that I experience as I age.
Just as it was interesting to see the changes my body was making when I was younger (not that I barely remember), I vow to embrace the changes my body will experience (if I am fortunate) over the coming decade(s). I will endeavour, within my ability, to treat those changes kindly and to support them with the habits I have developed over the last 3 decades.
What am I holding on to? Nothing, really. I’ve decided. Nothing.
