I know, I know. I’m not free of femininity entirely, and I even embrace some aspects of chosen femininity as fun, but I don’t think of myself as particularly ladylike.
Part of the story is that the demands of femininity never quite fit me that well. And I suppose that’s true for lots of girls.I remember the clashes. I once got in trouble for chewing gum in church, ‘girls don’t chew gum.’ Later I got in trouble in grade school for sitting on a chair astraddle with the back of the chair between my legs. Clearly, not ladylike. I was even punished for pulling on my snowpants over my skirt and tights without waiting to get into the girls’ cloak room to do it. The joys of attending a Catholic school, taught by nuns, during Newfoundland winter.
Part of the the ill fit now is age related. “Lady” sounds not just feminine to me, but also old, and I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. Part of it is also my connection to the queer community. I’ve spent time with people who’ve questioned gender roles much more seriously than I have and if traditional gender roles rub me the wrong way, for other people they’re a jail cell that makes life hell.
In grad school I started to approach this issue theoretically, reading Iris Marion Young’s Throwing Like a Girl. Young’s essay begins with the phenomenology of learning to throw a ball and argues that women are trained into fragility and self-consciousness because we are objectified. You can read more about Young’s views here at the blog Pondering Postfeminism.
I also loved Sandra Bartky’s Femininity and domination: studies in the phenomenology of oppression. I was a student of Sandra’s (she’s now a friend as well as a former teacher and mentor) at the University of Illinois at Chicago and I learned a lot about the demands of femininity and the ways in which those demands make women’s lives difficult. At that stage in my life though I didn’t have an athletic bone in my body and so the particular constraints femininity imposes on athleticism weren’t obvious to me.
But the clash between ladylike values and sports matters to me now because I’d like to get more women out on bikes and I’d like to see more women out there racing and competing. Yes, racing.
What are some concrete examples of the clash between ladylike behavior and the values of athletic performance?
First, there are the clothes. It’s clear that women aren’t always fond of, or comfortable in, performance athletic wear. I’ve written about that here and here. See also my post on going commando. Sports clothing geared to athletic performance have as their purpose to go fast not necessarily to cover everything you’d want covered or to look cute.
Second, there’s acting in a way that commands attention. I’ve had difficulty Kiaing in aikido, for example. But there’s also leading an attack in bike racing. Sports requires confidence and fearlessness and sometimes the way we’ve been taught to be quiet and to not attract too much attention or not take up too much space gets in the way.
Third, there’s physical contact with others. I play defense in soccer and when you’re covering a player on the opposing team. you stay close. Very close. Soccer isn’t a contact sport but you can be uncomfortably close and you do deliberately block and get in the way of players on the other team. In Aikido, I’ve had real difficulty learning to punch and strike people. Yes, Aikido is all about self-defense but in training one person needs to attack so your partner can practice defensive techniques. If your fist stops short of your partner’s chest, they aren’t learning very much and likely you aren’t giving them enough energy to execute the technique properly. I’m getting better at this but it’s taken awhile!
Fourth, and this one definitely sets ladylike values on their edge, there’s bodily excretions of various sorts and the way they’re dealt with in training and competition. My male cyclist friends laughed when they had to teach me how to spit. How could you not know how to spit? Well…
Luckily, I never plan on competing in an Ironman length event so I don’t have to worry about how to pee while riding a bike. That’s covered for men here.
The Fat Cyclist’s post How To Pee Whilst Riding Your Bike has this to say about women: “And if You’re a Woman… I have neither information nor advice for you. I’m sorry.” Gee thanks.
You can even buy a “I pee on my bike” triathlon tshirt.
Is peeing on the bike disgusting?
“Now, some say “Gross – now you’re covered in pee”. It’s all about getting to the finish line ASAP, not smelling as good as possible. But realistically, it can’t smell all that much worse than how everything else smells. Not to mention you’re doing it on the bike, which means the wind will help evaporate things very quickly. If you are properly hydrated, it is probably closer to water than anything else.” from How To: Peeing on the Bike
It’s probably clear now why the people helping to rack the bikes after the bike leg is over at an Ironman event do so in rubber gloves.
So, for me at least, there have been some tensions between the demands of ladylike behavior and the demands of athletic performance. And I don’t even think of myself as a lady.
I agree with the author of the West Yorkshire ‘was knitting, now cycling’ blog accident bizarro on the matter of the term “ladies”:
“I’m worried about this word. Its connotations are bad, for me. Ladies are perfectly-behaved, delicate creatures in twinsets and pearls, or bootylicious babes in bikinis (as satirised by Flight of the Conchords so perfectly here). I can’t identify with either of these groups. I’m not that old, yet; I swear quite a bit and laugh like Sid James; I occasionally wonder what it would be like to have a cleavage. I’m not much of a lady.”
I think we women athletes may need to say goodbye to our inner “ladies” and channel our inner “bad girls.” I’ve been meaning to read Girl Trouble reviewed in the Independent here. The book by the cultural historian Carol Dyhouse “explores the history of our moral panics over rebel girls, from the late-19th century onwards.”
Sounds like a great book. And I’m guessing, maybe hoping, there’s a section on bikes, or at least on women and sports.
The reviewer says this about the New Woman, ‘Many depictions traded in stereotypes: “‘Girton Girls’ were caricatured as bicycle-riding, back-slapping, whisky-swilling, bloomer-wearing eccentrics.”
Oh, and note to self, on the list of things not to Google, add ‘bad girls on bikes.’ I did find this call for videos and short stories on the subject of bikes and sex. They say they are into ethical bike perversion, joyful exploration, shameless flirtation, and radical honesty.