Hey Team,
Here we are on day 4 of advice I have borrowed from my writing and coaching practices and today we looking at ways of are dealing with our inner critics.
Most, if not all, of us have some sort of inner critic and whether you receive its critical information as an inner voice or, like me, if you just have it float to the surface like a remembered ‘fact’, the critic always seems to get more active when we are trying to make a change, to add something new, or to try something that’s a bit personally risky.*
When people (including me) are trying to get into the habit of writing or just trying to write something new, the inner critic has a field day. There are so very many ways for an inner critic to be discouraging, saying things like ‘that’s already been done’ ‘you sound ridiculous’ ‘you’ll never be able to finish this’ ‘no one wants to read this’…you get the picture.
And even though we know that the inner critic is mostly just our brain trying to protect us from harm/risk/embarrassment** and that the things it says are generally untrue, its persistent presence is a real obstacle to sticking with our project.
I mean, it is already hard to start something new and having criticism piled on top of that really adds to the challenge.
All of this is just as true for new fitness or wellness habits as it is for writing.
When we are trying to add something new, to expand or enhance our lives in some way, our inner critics will bubble to the surface.
This is an oversimplification, of course, but basically our brains are trying to conserve our energy, to keep things the same, to avoid the work of laying down new neural pathways, and the inner critic is one way to achieve all of that.
However, the inner critic is short-sighted. It has no idea how good things can be if we make these changes, if we put in this effort, if we do the exercises, if we sit in meditation, if we write the article. The inner critic is in cahoots with our brain to keep things the same, it doesn’t know about the value of change and expansion.
So, we actually know more than the inner critic and we do not have to assume that it is right.
But recognizing that fact doesn’t make the inner critic go away, it will still keep chattering at us one way or another and we need some strategies to manage its noise.
Now, when I’m advising myself or other writers about dealing with the inner critic, I have three suggestions
1) Give the inner critic a schedule
When I’m writing, that might mean literally scheduling a time when I will consider the critic’s concerns – i.e. At 2pm on Tuesday, I will consider the idea that this is a waste of time.
Yes, that feels a little foolish but putting that structure in place keeps the critic from taking over and it helps me keep its complaints in perspective.
We could do the same thing for the inner critic’s complaints about our new habits. Having some sort of ‘office hours’ to consider/journal/contemplate the critical commentary will help us contain the chatter and help us sift through it for any useful information.
2) Record the concern and thank the critic
If the critic gets particularly chatty when I’m writing I’ll put a piece of paper and pen next to my keyboard and when a inner critic concern arises, I’ll write it down and thank the critic for its concern, indicating that I have it recorded.
I may have to do this several times but something about the process reduces the number of recurrences. I guess my brain and the critic believes that I am taking the problem seriously and lets me compartmentalize?
I always review the list later, just in case something important arose, but there is rarely anything that I need to address.
This approach can work just as well for times when your critic is concerned about your well-being habits as it does for my critic’s writing concerns.
Sure, you may not want to stop and write things down during your yoga practice but you can choose another way to satisfy your critic that the concern has been noted.
3) Acknowledge the critic and persist anyway.
While we respect what the critic is trying to do, we can’t forget that we actually know more than it does.
So, it’s also ok to kind of override that critical voice by saying something like, ‘I hear that you are concerned that I don’t know what I am doing AND I am going to keep working on this.’
I know this is similar to making note of the criticism and it is similar to trying to ignore the critic but it has a bit of a different, defiant feel that I really like.
This approach is telling the critic, ‘I know about that issue so you can stop talking about it. I am going ahead with my plan no matter what.’
The critic may still disagree but the defiance seems to slow it down a bit.
And this can work whether you are trying to get words on a page or do another lap in the pool.
Team, there are all kinds of joys and all kinds of challenges in the process of making changes that will enhance or expand our lives.
When we develop and practice techniques to deal with common challenges, we can reduce the amount of energy required to deal with them and we can pour that energy into our new activities instead.
Whether you are dealing with an inner critic, dealing with another challenge, or simply having the most straightforward day of your practice so far, I wish you ease and a sense of triumph.
And I offer you this gold star for your efforts today, no matter what those efforts might be.
Go Team Us!
*Not necessarily actually dangerous, just a bit outside what they are accustomed to doing.
**Sometimes the inner critic has borrowed someone else’s annoying discouragement to pester us with but that still doesn’t mean what it says is true.
