Hey Team,
Have you given any thought to the stories you are telling yourself about your goals, your plans, and your habit-building tasks?
Stories are one of the main ways that humans help make our world and our lives make sense and, so, we create stories for ourselves – consciously and unconsciously – all the time.
This can work for us or work against us, depending on the circumstances and on the stories that we are telling.
If you have struggled with fitness practices because of various circumstances in the past, your brain might have settled on you as the common denominator and created a story about how you ‘just aren’t good at exercise stuff.’
But if you grew up in a physically active family who had a knack for teaching physical skills, your brain might have developed a story that ‘all exercise is easy and people who struggle with exercise are just lazy.’*
So, imagine that the first person has decided to start a new exercise program doing dance videos at home and they either don’t realize that they have this story in their head or they just think that the story’s conclusion is a fact.
They are facing a lot of extra obstacles there, aren’t they?
If you think that you just aren’t good at anything in a given category, it’s going to be hard to find the resources to try. Our fictional person is going to struggle to find a dance video that feels easy enough for them. They may pick something that is so simple that it bores them. Or they may pick something far too complicated and then assume that the problem is them (rather than the level of experience required for that video) and accidentally reinforce their internal story.
Now imagine that the second person decides to try something new and they find themselves struggling with it. According to their internal story, their struggle can only result from their laziness and that’s just not helpful. Calling themselves lazy could mean they are going to push themselves harder without getting more information (which could lead to getting hurt) or it could mean avoiding the activity all together to avoid the ‘lazy’ label and end up missing out on something they might enjoy.
Either way, the story of alleged laziness is unhelpful at the very least and possibly even dangerous. And it is definitely unsympathetic to their struggles and to other people’s struggles. (Starting from a ‘people who struggle are lazy’ perspective is not a good way to make friends!)
Maybe your stories aren’t as defined or extreme as those examples but they can still have an effect on your approach to planning and building a new habit that will enhance or expand your life.
And it is worth noticing and questioning the stories that we are carrying around with us all the time. You don’t have to spend hours picking through your own brain but you can notice when a definitive but unhelpful statement arises and try to shift it a little to support your plans.
If part of your story is ‘I don’t like mornings.’ but mornings are literally the only space in your day when you can complete the exercises you want to, then it is an unhelpful story. What could you do to shift that story a little? (Even a small shift, like saying ‘I don’t like mornings and I still get up to exercise.’, can be helpful.)
If part of your story is ‘I’m too fidgety to meditate.’ but you really want to experience the benefits of mindfulness, then it is an unhelpful story that shuts your plans down immediately. Perhaps, you could shift your story to ‘I’m too fidgety for sitting meditation and I’m going to look into other mindful activities.’
Overall, we’re awash in stories about how things are, how things ‘should’ be, and the ‘right’ way to do things. We often internalize these ideas (and then build internal narratives around them) without realizing it.
These stories can make our practices, our plans, and our challenges far more difficult than they need to be. It is worth it to take a moment to notice any unhelpful narratives and to ask ourselves questions about where they came from, how much (if any) if the narrative is true, and whether we can dismiss the unhelpful stories or reshape them to support us instead.
As a professional storyteller, I am very aware of the power of stories, the way they engage so much of our brains, and the way they stick with us, popping up again and again. Our brains don’t necessarily distinguish between helpful and unhelpful stories, they just present them when they seem relevant.**
So, Team, today, I am inviting you to notice and reconsider your stories around your plans and your practices. What kind of stories do you have around habit-building/fitness/mindfulness? What do you tell yourself when you struggle? What makes something easy or hard for you? How do you talk to yourself about your plans and ideas?
If you notice a story around any of the things that you are trying to add to your life right now, pay attention to it. If it is a helpful story, is it good as it is or would you like to add details that will make it more helpful?*** If it is an unhelpful story, can you reframe it or do you need to figure out how to dismiss it and replace it will a helpful one instead?
As always, Team, here are your gold stars for today’s efforts, no matter what they are. If you are noticing stories, adding an extra minute to your practice, or seeking support for a challenge of any kind, your efforts count.
Go Team Us!
*For the record, I don’t think people are lazy overall. Undoubtedly there are some people who just can’t be bothered to do stuff and will try to get out of putting in any effort. However. most of the time, the person being characterized (or characterizing themselves) as lazy actually have a lot obstacles to face, internally and externally, and being called lazy doesn’t help. The word itself can be a good descriptor but if you are using it as a weapon against yourself or someone else, please reconsider.
**Yes, I am oversimplifying quite a bit here. I am not a psychologist, scientist, or any kind of a medical professional and this isn’t a scientific description. My understanding of this comes from my experience and personal research into stories, storytelling, creativity, and creativity coaching, as well as my experience with my coaching clients. If you want to go deeper into your internal narratives, please ensure that you have appropriate support for that journey. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
*** Adding specific examples, sensory details, and strong action words can help stories to feel even more real. Plus, it’s fun to enhance our positive stories!