Hey Team!
Back in 2019, I interviewed stage manager Jaimie Tait for an article I was writing and she mentioned that one of the things that helps her stay on track during a show is ‘instant forgiveness’ when she makes a mistake.
I absolutely loved the concept – acknowledging that you had made a mistake but forgiving yourself for it and getting on with the rest of your tasks.
Now, my summary makes it sound like something easily done but I am sure it was a hard-won skill for Jaimie and I think it is a valuable skill for anyone to develop – especially if you are trying to build a new habit or even plan for building one.
The process of adding something new to our lives, no matter which stage of the process we are in, will involve some challenges and some missteps. And it is all too easy to get caught up in the idea that we made a mess of things, that the whole idea was bad to begin with, that we don’t have ‘what it takes’*, and so on. When we get stuck on those things, we can’t take the next steps, we can’t adjust for the mistake, and we can’t move the project forward.
BUT if we practice instant forgiveness (noting the error without getting caught in a blame loop that will preoccupy us and make us feel terrible), adjust our plan and carry on, then we get to continue to move toward our goals and toward the life we want to be living.
Instant forgiveness can help us to keep our errors, setbacks, and missteps in perspective. It makes those mistakes just a small part of the process. It lets us start over with new information instead of bringing our plans to a halt.
Given the fact that we are only a few days into the new year, you may not have hit a snag in your plans yet. But snags and bumps and mistakes are a natural part of the process of change so working on your instant forgiveness skills *before* they happen will make it a little easier for you to put them into practice when something goes awry. In fact, you can build the skills in any area of your life and apply them whenever you need them.**
So, Team, today and from now on, I am inviting you to practice instant forgiveness and free yourself of the blame loop whenever and wherever you can.
If you didn’t complete the goal task you meant to complete.
If you didn’t start when you meant to.
If you decided you hate this goal and want to do something else.
If you haven’t gotten around to your planning yet.
If you didn’t work as hard as you had intended.
If you cut your meditation short.
If you walked in your living room instead of out in the fresh air.
If you overslept or stayed up too late or lost track of time or…whatever.
You can forgive yourself, adjust for the error, and take the next step towards your goals.
And if anyone gives you any crap about it, direct them them to me.
Here are your gold stars for your efforts toward instant forgiveness today. I chose to draw little, imperfect star plants today for all of our little, imperfect efforts to move towards our goals, to practice instant forgiveness, and to be kinder to ourselves.
Go Team Us!
*I wish I could wave a magic wand and erase this idea from all of our brains. Yeah, there may be some things in life that won’t be for us or that we don’t have the capacity for but for most things it isn’t about personal ability or fortitude, it’s about resources, time, or finding the right approach.
** For the record, I know that some mistakes are not good candidates for instant forgiveness. The mistakes I am talking about here are the fairly low-stakes ones that we all make in our day-to-day lives that end up taking up a lot more of our brainspace than they need to. I’m sure you know the ones I mean!
