I’ve written this “Ask Fieldpoppy” advice column off and on for the past couple of years. With all the energy around “how do I want to do this year?” that comes with the first week in January, I thought it was a good time to dust it off.
I’m starting with a pair of questions that are all about the greyness of the northern hemisphere at this time of year.
Dear Fieldpoppy,
Over the holidays I got to take a proper break for myself for the first time in ages. It felt amazing! But I got in the habit of sleeping loads and now I don’t know how to reset myself to ‘real World time’. Even though I wake up feeling fine I just don’t want to get out of bed and be in said real world again. I’m actually feeling some minor depression and anxiety about the concept of setting an alarm clock again. Thoughts? Signed, Sleepy and Dopey
Dear Fieldpoppy,
How can I make it through the grey of winter? I can take and enjoy sun and snow and cold, and I’ve done a ton of things to find fun new ways to Get Outside in the winter. But this grey is brutal. Signed, UGH.
My sad little sunflowers,
I hear you. I went to Costa Rica over the break and when I got back to the colourless, static, hibernating world, I fell into some kind of funk and huddled over a jigsaw puzzle in my plaid jammies for two days. January in Ontario is … Not Inspiring.
Both of you have done some of the important foundational stuff to get through this time — Sleepy, you took a much-needed break (yay!), and Ugh, you have found things that keep you moving and going outside. The next step is to set an actual intention for January — not a goal, but an intention. A goal is quantifiable — e.g., “get outside every day for at least 24 minutes” or “do the annual January Yoga with Adriene 30 Day Yoga Journey.” These things are great (and they are two of my goals). But without intentions, they can feel hollow and easy to skip. And then you end up feeling worse.
By “intention,” I mean making choices not about what you DO but about how you ARE in this time. How do you want to engage with the truth of this world we are in? We’re explicitly talking about winter and darkness and cold, but I tend to believe in the precept “wherever you go, there you are.” How do you want to BE with the challenge and discomfort of this time, temporal or global? Brave and spirited? (Get out there and ride that fat tire bike, noticing just how brave and spirited you are). Future-oriented? Set a spring or summer physical goal, or plan a trip or a project, and throw yourself into your identity as a Travel Planner or Trek Trainer. Playful? Try doing something brand new (play pickleball! learn pottery!) or put yourself under a SAD lamp and pretend you’re an orchid. Optimistic and grateful? Cultivate the small daily activities that put remind you of the moments of grace, the joys, the possibilities of your life.
And — you can also give yourself permission not to fight the grey. I recently heard an interview with Kathering May, the author of “Wintering”, that really stayed with me. This book isn’t explicitly about “winter” — it’s about the winter of the soul. She explores the value of letting yourself lie a bit fallow, not fighting to find a springlike energy when you don’t feel it, but letting the rest and retreat reveal something new about who you are and what you need. Be with the truth of the discomfort, and see what is there. Meditate. Rest. Maybe that’s January for you. Just do it with intention and mindful observation, not by default.
Dear Fieldpoppy,
Sometimes with everything going on in life I am just so very tired. I want to move my body, but I also want to lie down. How do I tell if pushing through the tired to do some movement will be helpful or double down on my fatigue? Signed, Motivated but Exhausted
My dear little droopy daffodil,
When I’m trying to decide if I’m really too tired to move or not, I think about the fact that by the time we feel thirsty, we usually needed some water a while ago. And if we wait too long, we end up cranky and dehydrated.
You don’t want that to happen — but you also don’t want to glug down a big jug of movement just because it’s on a training schedule or you feel like you “should.” The trick — as above — is intentionality. What does your body actually need? What does your soul actually need?
So when you feel like this, try this. Lie down on the floor or a yoga mat. (Don’t go to bed or lie on the couch — this is intentional). Go into shivasana for a minute. What is there? What do you notice? Where is the desire for movement coming from? What does your body want? To stretch? to twist? is there restlessness? or are you surrounded by the enveloping bliss of rest?
When I’m in shivasana, I can often find what my body needs — usually a calf and hamstring stretch, but sometimes it’s saying “lie here.” Or, LIE HERE. And sometimes I hear a whisper of restlessness that means “you’re going to be movement-thirsty soon.” When I feel that, I dress for a run and go for a walk. And sometimes a run breaks out.
Dear Fieldpoppy,
I would love to know what makes challenges/resolutions “stick” for people. I set a lot of resolutions and they’re always dead on the ground by the end of January. Signed, What am I doing wrong?
Dear befuddled begonia,
There is a whole industry of social science (and bloggers) dedicated to answering that question. Feel free to click on any of those links for their take on this. But for me, it always goes back to intention and identity, just like in my first answer. Why did you set this goal? What does it mean to you? What does it mean to your idea of who you are and what you want to be?
My (long-ago) PhD research was about how we enact our stories of who we are and who we want to be in the world. We tend to generate a lot more energy around the things that make us feel like “this is the sort of thing a person like me does” than “this is the sort of thing that is good for me.” If your goals are sort of externally generated (“I should move more” or “I know I should eat better”), but they aren’t connected to your sense of self in some way, they remain external, and easier to hit the snooze button on. But if your commitments are linked to who you are (or want to be), you have a wider set of resources to engage with them.
Example. One of my goals is to improve sleep hygiene. I’ve had this goal for years, because I know I litter my bed with devices and toss fitfully around on the web of semi-sleep most nights. I know it’s not good for me or my health (and super annoying to my girlfriend). But the only way I make any progress is to explore my real intentions. It’s not “sleep better” — that’s the goal. Truly shifting this is about identity — wanting to be the kind of person who reads in bed and honours my health, not the kind of person who falls asleep with my phone in my hand. And it’s about the deep intention of being healthy enough and awake enough and energetic enough to engage in the world, not shaking myself awake with caffeine every morning.
So think about your challenges and goals. What are your real intentions behind them? Why do they matter — to YOU? Who will you be if you can live into them? You got this!
Fieldpoppy is Cate Creede-Desmarais, who lives on Treaty 13 land in what’s currently called Toronto. Most of their work involves leadership development, strategy and coaching, and they have been very overly interested in other people’s stories since they were very small, according to their grade two and three report cards.
