Re-learning to “just be”

“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” Gloria Steinem

After a lifetime of molding (miraculous bodies we were made to feel were less than), minimizing (voices, hair, butts), anticipating (reactions), absorbing opinions, and many other ways women learn to exist in the world, we reach an age where we just want to be. It also takes some relearning and practice.

Maybe that happens much younger for some. Maybe some were born with an ability to be themselves from the get go. For many of us we were born to be free but then we quickly learn ways to exist in the workplace, in gyms, in social settings that end up feeling exhausting. We reach an age (35, 40, 50, 55) when we just want to be. And we need to teach ourselves to refocus certain (internal) thoughts and comments from others.

We remember comments making us feel self-conscious about:

chubby cheeks
big glasses
frizzy hair
too thin
too fat
not looking like a runner
a substantial nose
laugh and squint lines
“not doing too much to our faces”
potentially fading glow
too much blond
not enough blond
big bones
looking too young
looking too old
being perceived as judgmental
having opinions
speaking too much
sounding too old based on experiences

We don’t want to be a celebrity who’s fixated on looking half their age (see Nicole Kidman). We don’t want to be adored for how we look. We want to feel strong and healthy. We want to share our work and our value. We want to care for others and share ideas. We want to be appreciated for what we can contribute. For all the years of learning how to be. And not have it backfire in our faces, publicly (see Lisa Laflamme)

Let’s just be and stop reducing women to their parts, the colour of their hair, the lines they have or do not have, the pitch of their voice. Let’s stand up for other women who just want to be. Who resist other’s opinions about how they should exist. Let’s support those who thrive in BEING as they see fit themselves.