Despite fitness triumphs in some areas in the past few years (hello, 3rd degree blackbelt), it’s been a while since I have been really happy with my overall fitness level.
I’ll develop some good habits for a while and then life will take another curve. That new factor/time management challenge will team up with my ADHD and I’ll have trouble fitting more than the bare minimum of exercise into my schedule.
And, then, I’ll find myself sliding a little bit further away from how I want to feel, further away from what I want to be able to do.
I’ve been saying for ages that I want to ‘get back’ to how I used to feel and I want to ‘get back’ to the way my body was. (To be clear, I’m not trying to get back to the body of my youth, just to the one I had a few years ago.)
Then, this week, I read Cate‘s and Tracy’s terrific posts about acknowledging and appreciating the body you have and about how, when it comes to our bodies, we can’t go back, we can only go forward.
Their posts hit me hard.
In many ways, I am very accepting of my body as it is – I don’t wish that I looked different, for instance – but I have been spending a lot of time wishing I could go back to my strength and fitness level from a few years ago (which still wasn’t where I wanted to be but it was closer than where I am now)
All that ruminating made me think of this quote from Mary Engelbreit.
And that, in turn, reminded me about how often I have joked that I never want to be like one of those stupid people in movies who always look back when they are being chased and end up falling on their faces (and usually getting caught).
This was all on my mind as we were working on our patterns in taekwondo on this week and Master Downey reminded us to look where we were striking because ‘Where your eyes go, your energy goes.’
That’s when everything kind of came together in my mind.
I’ve been wasting a lot of energy looking back.
I keep looking back at my old self while I move forward. I haven’t fallen on my face, not yet, but it’s a definite risk.
I need to look ahead. I need to send my energy in the direction that I am going.
I need to move my fitness forward, not backward.
I can’t go back to where I was. I can, however, figure out what I want to work TOWARD.
I’m going to stop looking back. I’m not going that way.
*They aren’t my stories to tell so I won’t get into details but in the past 3-4 years, several family members have had major health issues and required my help. I am happy to have the flexibility to be able to help them and I am glad to be there for people who need me. Even though I am quite willing to help (and grateful to be able to), providing this support does take time and something has had to give – my exercise time/energy has often been the thing to go. Thanks to my ADHD, once I get off track a lot of time can pass before I realize what is missing from my schedule.
Thank you for sharing. I’m working on this myself (body changes due to aging, health issues). I like the Master’s quote – it actually reminds me of my driving teacher many years ago saying “where you look is where the car is going to go”. I also heard a quote from ultrarunning great Ann Trason (who now has to do ultra-walking due to RA) “I don’t have rearview mirrors.” (similar quote “you can’t drive forward using rearview mirrors”)
Thanks for reading and commenting!
I like those quotes, too. This facing forward business takes a lot of mental effort, doesn’t it?
Thank you for sharing this. I, too, tend to look back at my fitness level and wish that I could be where I was. Over the last five years or so, I went Vegan (big mistake, one I’ve since rectified), and I was in a car accident. There was nothing I could do about the accident–or the broken leg that resulted, but it took some time before I was able to get my act together and to be able to focus on the future. I may not be able to do some of the things I used to, but one day I will, and for right now, I need to work on what I can and what will get me back there.
I realize now though, how much time I wasted. I could have been doing seated exercises while I was stuck at home–or maybe not. Now that I think about it, I remember struggling to do homework on my computer and thinking about what I could have done is useless anyway. As you said, I need to focus on what I can do now and on moving forward–and that’s what I am doing.
Sorry for the late reply, I didn’t see your comment until just now!
I wish you luck and ease in focusing on what you *can* do for right now. Let me know how it goes.
Thanks for reading!