I shared this piece “Woman asks herself, ‘Why am I becoming a grumpy old man?'” to our bloggers group the other day. It’s funny but Jennifer Overton also hits a serious note when she talks about no longer feeling at ease in the world and her desire to withdraw.
Overton writes, “Not feeling at home in the world comes with a serious side effect. As the youngsters would say, My FOMO has become my JOMO. My fear of missing out has become my joy of missing out. I’m not as disappointed as I used to be when a friend has to cancel lunch. I’m happy to find an excuse to miss fitness class. I prefer to work from home. And any change in the weather is a valid reason not to venture out and mingle with the human race. The truth of it is, I have developed an intense longing to withdraw. And I don’t mean to my living room. I mean to the woods. The deep woods. Far from the madding, the maddening, crowd. I long to live in a quiet, slower, simpler place. A place where I can relax the cramp of anxiety about the state of the world, and maybe even regain some trust in its course. “
It made me laugh but frankly, I’m not that grumpy in midlife. It’s true I have a very low tolerance for drinking and pot smoking. And I like my 8 hours sleep but I rarely complain about “young people these days.” I think the world has changed in lots of wonderful ways. Mostly I try to understand and adapt. I talk about a feminist commune but I’m not retiring there anytime soon. Anyway, my commune aspirations aren’t a desire to retreat from the world. They are much more about community building and sharing resources.
But then this came through my newsfeed, Why does everyone have fake fancy teeth? And I think I actually growled. Grrr. My dentist tried to sell me fancy teeth some years ago. No.
I know why my dentist tried to sell me fancy teeth. I had braces in my 30s and so I think that marked me as someone who cares about the way their teeth look. But he didn’t look closely enough at my file. I got the braces to correct molars that were falling over and would need either straightening and having bridges and crowns put in to fill spaces, or taking out the lot of them. Benefits covered my braces and although I looked better with my newly straightened teeth, looking better wasn’t my motivation.
Veneers are also expensive. This is from the “fancy teeth” article linked above: “Although veneers have been used less glamorously for decades to help non-famous people with serious size or shape problems in some of their teeth, they can also be used to perfect someone’s already-nice smile beyond the capabilities of traditional orthodontia. Veneers start at about $1,000 a tooth, and for top-tier aesthetic dentists such as Apa, they can easily hit $3,000 to $4,000 apiece.”
I nearly left my favourite hair salon a few years back when they started having Wine and Botox nights. There’s two things on my no-go list at one event. It’s true, of course, I can just say no but I’d rather get my haircut (spend my money) at places where that isn’t in the air. Hair salons have always made me nervous that way. Like when they asked if those were my natural eye brows. “Whose else would they be?” I thought. They often offer to remove the peach fuzz from my cheeks saying that it must get in the way when I apply foundation. “I have an answer for that,” I thought. “Just say no to foundation.” I want to say yes to good haircuts and colour and no to the rest of it.
There’s weird beauty related upselling going on these days. When I shared the ‘fancy teeth’ story, a friend commented, “The ob/gyn who delivered my first opened a medi-spa wrinkle cellulite etc type service in the same office and they talk to you about it when you show up for a Pap smear!”
.Another friend said, ” I am so done with being cool. If this is what cool is, they can have it.”
I left the spa I used to go to for massage because they added booze to the serviced and advertised it excessively. I do not support anything that encourages casual drinking anymore. I see the slippery slope for many women.
And yoga and booze or 420 yoga? Completely opposed.
I admit to doing the minimum required to be comfortable. I colour my hair and have it blow dryer once a week. I love my stylist. It’s in her house and she is my friend. I am generally well put together and fit. Minimal makeup. Comfortable shoes.
I just found out my husband of 20 years has been screwing a dyed blonde with fake boobs and no pubic hair. She is also 27. 20 years younger than me. Perhaps he felt I didn’t do enough. He’s gone. I have no time for that.
Society is screwed up.
Anne
Oh Anne. I hope you have lots of love and support through this. Clearly he doesn’t deserve you but awful. Virtual hugs.
Oh, Anne! I’m so sorry that he let you down so badly, I don’t even know you but I know that you deserve better than that.
I hope you have a circle of friends supporting you while you navigate this awful time.
May you have ease. <3
Thank you. The virtual love makes me smile.
You are quite welcome. <3
I’m so sorry Anne. That kind of betrayal wounds so deeply. Take good care.
Anne. I don’t know you except by your voice here and it is a voice I love . This is so painful. It won’t define you. Seek out the virtual love, it really does help from the right people (I’m looking at all you people here, you are the right people). My fella’s affair is with the bottle. She’s a bitch. I do t have time for that anymore either. Keep breathing and moving and hold your broken heart with care. You deserve that.
The bottle is a bitch. I got past that, so I know I can do hard things.
Thank you for that. I am being very careful.
I’m so sorry, Anne. We’ve not met but I feel and appreciate your presence in this little community here. I’m sending loving kindness to you and for you. Keep close to those you love and who love you. Spring is coming, and with it change. That’s what we have– love and change.
Thank you. I am glad I commented here. Some days this is unbearable, but the love here has buoyed my up.
Yes. Spring, change and love. 🙏💗
Oh man. I’m so, so sorry that this is happening to you, Anne. Sending you lots of strength and good vibes. You deserve better. <3
Oh Anne, I don’t know you except through this community, but my heart both aches and rages for you! Incomprehensible and all too familiar at the same time. Sending an e-hug.
Anne dear I appreciate your voice in this community so much. Sending you a long tight virtual hug. Xc
Anne, this sucks. I am so so sorry! I know what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who hurts you deeply and betrays you cruelly, and I know what it’s like to struggle out of that relationship. I also know you are so strong and will get through this; like all our FIFI compatriots above I send you loads of virtual love and as much extra strength as you need right now!