body image · health · Sat with Nat

My highest weight and feeling great?

natalieh (she/her)

That’s not how the whole body image & heart health narrative is supposed to go. I know. I’m supposed to struggle with my weight and health. Then, because I’ve sublimated my base urges and really learned to love myself, I miraculously transform into a thinner, better me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this great blog post by Heather Plett.

I just love it and she captured so much of what I have encountered. People LOVE imposing a triumphant narrative on my fitness. 
I’m not at war with my body. My body is not a thing to be dominated or warred against.

I am trying to figure out how to be healthy and joyful. I think I’m hovering or orbiting around that, I’m in the neighbourhood at least.

In July this Facebook memory came up:

I’ve tried a lot of things since 2014 and some of it worked for me, other stuff, not so much. I’ve tried mindfulness and abstaining from alcohol. I’ve tried losing weight. (Spoiler, I didn’t keep it off!)

https://fitisafeministissue.com/2015/02/20/40-years-40-lbs-guest-post/

I’ve though a lot about my cardiovascular health!

https://fitisafeministissue.com/2016/04/09/facebook-memories-and-blood-pressure-stories/

I’m back to the weight I was 3 years ago when my high blood pressure diagnosis (and offer of gastric bypass surgery by my doctor) happened. The thing is, I feel great!

I’m gardening, cycling a bit, playing soccer and occasionally working out. My blood pressure is right where it needs to be.

I do know if I put all my time and energy into tracking food and using all my self discipline for staying away from sweets and alcohol I do lose weight for a while. The things needed to do that make me super anxious and sad. I only think about food. It’s kind of awful.

Thing is, I use a lot of self-discipline to parent, take my university courses, be a grown up at work…lots of things. And here’s the deal, like many of my emotional and cognitive resources, I’ve only got so much to go around.

I love making delicious and nutritious food. I love craft beers. I’ve decided that until my blood pressure numbers change for the worse I’m good the way I am.

So I think the question is more of an exclamation. My highest weight and feeling GREAT!

Published by natalieh (she/her)

Fat feminist 47 yr old mother of 2 adults who loves her high energy life partner of over 25 years. I love moving my body and walk wherever I can. I sometimes ride my road bike, do yoga, lift weights and other shenanigans.

13 thoughts on “My highest weight and feeling great?”

  1. Congratulations. You’ve seem to have truly achieved the health and wellbeing that eludes so many.

    1. Awe! Thanks Keri! I’m trying to stay chill yet active. It will change at some point so I’m enjoying the moment 🙂

  2. You’ve reached the point where many of us only dream of being. Where we truly accept who we are. Congrats sista!

  5. Yes, congrats on choosing happiness Now! I’m glad you exercise, but not that you torture yourself about it + food: we need to love ourselves, that’s healthy ❤

  8. Hi, Natalie– Brava! I’m in a similar position to yours and, unlike in the past, I’m not letting my higher weight get me down. I’m paying attention to how my clothes fit, sure, but I’m mainly focusing on how I feel and my health factors (blood pressure, etc), all of which are good to great.

    I often forward FIAFI articles to my husband, especially when the subject is cycling, as he is an avid cyclist (he slums with me in the weekends, when I go riding with him…lol). Here’s what he said about this one:

    “Hi sweetie, great article.

    “We all have limited emotional and cognitive resources. I’ve been struggling with issues of self-discipline myself lately. I could put myself on a “program” of diet and training and I would be more fit for a while, but I don’t think I would be any happier. We just need to RELAX. You are a healthy, beautiful woman. Do what you can, but don’t beat yourself up over a few pounds. We will continue to eat and drink in our mostly very healthy way and continue to live and love and just be ourselves in our mostly very healthy lifestyle. The sweet baby Jesus wants us to be happy, not necessarily have resting heart rates under 50 bpm. Optimal health is an emotional/psychological state as much as a physical state.

    “I love you,
    “Jimbo (husband)”

    I picked a good one, didn’t I? 🙂

    (P.S. He’s originally from Georgia, so he says cute stuff like “the sweet baby Jesus” to make me smile.)

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