I ran today. I did just over 4km at a clip of about 6:10 per kilometer. It doesn’t seem like much but basically today was the difference between the version of me that is still training for the Niagra Falls Women’s Half Marathon and the version that has given up because her body is not cooperating.
I had not run in a week and a half even though the last time was a magnificent 13.3km in which I did not collapse or otherwise injure myself. So yay.
However, I’m struggling with a low level flare of my RA and people, it is sucking the life out of me. Right now, it’s my hands and my right wrist but anyone who has an auto-immune thing knows that active-ish disease isn’t just about the affected part. It’s a system malfunction and my system is very prone to crashing lately, I’m exhausted, distracted and rather grumpy. I’m trying not to be disheartened but in this past week, I’ve stared right in the face the specter of the cycle of inactivity that I am prone to.
It starts as giving myself permission to rest but then it becomes something else, a lethargy I have trouble escaping. I fear my gains have already vanished. I start to ache from not moving. I don’t want to do anything at all, I give up for a while.
Except I didn’t. I ran today and I made it a Tempo run (yes 6:10 kms are a tempo run for me, don’t laugh). I ran in the cold rain, the perfect pathetic fallacy for my mood and the ache in my hands. But darn it, I ran.
I will do a 15k long run on Sunday. I’m not giving up.
That’s what I have to say about that.
