Holiday Fat Anxiety

Oh, the holidays. I was hanging out with a thin friend who talked about wearing “fat pants.” I looked at her and thought that in no possible world are pants that fit you “fat pants.” But it’s all relative, I guess. The point is whatever your size, fretting about holiday weight gain is a thing.

Side note: I think it’s true actually that when it comes to weight gain anxiety, thin people suffer more. They’ve got more to lose. In my post about the unexpected advantages of growing up chubby I wrote that, “I used to think that body acceptance would be easier if you were closer to society’s ideals for women. Now I see that isn’t so. Doing the Lean Eating program I got to know some very small women with some serious body image issues. I found some of the self-loathing pretty difficult to be around and in the end I chose a smaller subset of that community as allies and friends.”

Those of us who’ve always been outside society’s norms have had to make their peace with our size one way or another. For me, gaining or losing 5 lbs isn’t that anxiety making. I’m also writing this wearing a nightgown and a hoodie. Not exactly the most form fitting of clothing. Later I might move up to yoga pants. I’m aiming for actual pants with zippers and buttons by the new year.

But it got me thinking about how gaining 5 lbs over the holidays–that’s the average amount of weight people put on–is so noticeable in part because of the kind of clothes we wear. My dresses are much more forgiving, size flexible. That’s part of why I hate pants. In the blog post which made the case against pants, I wrote, “I gain or lose three pounds and I need to change sizes of pants. I’ve got dresses I’ve worn through weight gain and loss of twenty pounds, no problem, but pants? They can be too small in the morning and too big at night. I own pants in at least three different sizes. That’s pretty much required.”

I also hate the binge eating/dieting thing that goes on over the holidays. Mostly I manage to steer clear but I still have some anxiety about putting my jeans and work clothes back on. Deep breaths! Hey, I even tried listening to the song that’s supposed to reduce anxiety 65%. “The group that created “Weightless”, Marconi Union, did so in collaboration with sound therapists. Its carefully arranged harmonies, rhythms, and bass lines help slow a listener’s heart rate, reduce blood pressure and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol.”

But it put me to sleep. Overkill. Guess maybe I’m not that anxious after all.

Yesterday I announced to no one in particular in my kitchen that I’m moving to eating only the really good desserts, leftover trifle and the best of the Christmas chocolate.  Also, I declared there’ll be no more breakfast and lunch dessert. Tonight I’m heading back to the gym. Baby steps…

But mostly for me its about taking deep breaths and getting outside. Dogs walks, not in aid of weight loss, help everything!

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